How Are You, REALLY?
“I’m Fine” … sound familiar?
When people ask, “How are you?” do you often answer with, “I’m fine” - - even if you’re NOT? 🙈🙉🙊
Whether you don't feel like sharing (I get it!) or you'd rather not pay attention to your feelings, stuffing them away doesn't make them disappear.
When we’re struggling as parents / caregivers, we often feel ashamed to admit that it’s hard. We assume nobody else would understand anyway. So we sort of ignore our feelings and end up suffering in isolation.
One glimmer of good I've noticed about the pandemic is that people are talking more freely about how hard things are. Though our experiences vary (to an extreme degree), we are in the same storm.
Emotions are just a form of energy seeking expression. Denying or ignoring them doesn’t make them go away, they find other ways to pop up and impact us. When we recognize our feelings and NAME them, they lose some of their power. Taking time for our feelings gives us the space to step back and make choices about what to do with them.
During the hardest years of my parenting journey (so far), this knowledge helped me honor my emotions, even when they were messy. And that helped me learn to regulate them better, which in turn made it easier to offer my kids a sense of safety and connection.
But don’t just take my advice. Here is a collection of salient quotes from some of my favorite thought leaders in the emotions arena. I thought it was super compelling to see the overlap in their advice.
Dr. Dan Siegel is a bestselling author and pioneering neuropsychiatrist.
Marc Brackett, PhD, is head of the Yale Center on Emotional Intelligence and author of the book Permission to Feel.
Brené Brown is a bestselling author, podcaster and expert on vulnerability, courage, shame and empathy.
Thich Nhat Hanh is a global spiritual leader.
How are you - - really? Maybe now, you’ll take more moments to check in and find out.😉 🌈 ✨